The downside of working for someone else

Filed Under Funny, Misc, News, Rants

Apparently there are ‘rules’ about what we can send to our clients.

Apparently these ‘rules’ prohibit me sending this to my client … which I think is a crying shame ๐Ÿ™‚

I leave the decision with you Ben. I think we have tried very hard to make you happy with mycompanyname and the services we offer but as with any relationship, it is a two way street. I hope you will look and see that we have tried to help as much as we can, but because you are a crayon wielding windowlicker, the basic simplicity of following fucking instructions appears beyond you. So yet again I have to drag my sorry ass down to your office and do the Fisher Price MyFirstVPN setup again and then show you that the black fucking magic actually works. But at least, I hope, youโ€™ll get off my freaking back about this whole thing. Iโ€™m not your mother โ€“ itโ€™s not my fault youโ€™re retarded. Stop expecting me to pay for your fucking shortcomings.

I thought it had a lovely natural cadence ๐Ÿ˜‰

What ncm really means

Filed Under Funny

I’ve been playing a fair bit of online poker lately – mostly badly.

But even I know when I’ve taken a bad beat or been completely outfoxed. It is those times I normally type ‘ncm‘ into the chat window.

What does it mean? That depends ๐Ÿ˜‰

Nice Cards Mate
Nice Catch Moron

If I’ve typed this to you – figure out if you just hit that 23:1 shot on the river to win. If you did, I meant it the second way!

Not that I ever hit trips on the river against two over pairs … no sir … never ๐Ÿ˜€

“nice hand sir, and by hand I mean catch, and by sir I mean moron”.

Karma – Take 2

Filed Under Funny, Misc

Oh please – give me a break. I’ve had more feedback over a post about Karma than I have about terrorism and the stealthy loss of our basic rights. More even than praise for my wonderful writing style ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, listen up peepz – Karma does not exist and I’ll explain why.

People like to think that good things happen to good people. This is because they like the concept of fairness – nobody likes the villain winning after all. Confirmation bias means that when they see good things happening to good people, they assign this to Karma. This is silly.

For any definition of ‘luck’, there will be people who have more or less of ‘it’. There are no rules saying we MUST get x amount of luck in a lifetime. On average a coin will land on heads 50% of the time. That doesn’t mean it has to, it just means that in a sufficiently large period of testing, the number of heads and tails will tend towards 50%.

So in our group of people, there will be those that call heads and get heads more often than not – these people will have ‘good luck’. Some will call heads and get tails more often than not – these people will have ‘bad luck’. Some will call heads and get heads 50% of the time – these people have neither good nor bad luck.

Some of the people with ‘good luck’ will be nice people and everyone will say “oh look, because he/she is so nice, he/she has ‘good luck'”.

Some of the people with ‘bad luck’ will be nasty horrible little cunswups. Some will say “They never get heads when they call it because they don’t deserve it”. More often than not followed by “so don’t grow up to be like that young Mr Schram or bad things will happen to you”, just to ensure that baby Johnny is scared into behaving himself.

These people call this concept karma. These people are silly.

These people also have a very poor grasp of statistics. We call them rhican. They are wrong more often than not – but even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

James Moriarty

Filed Under Funny

Now only a few people will get this next post – but I had to say thank you to someone who will remain anonymous for now for telling me the funniest one liner I have ever heard. EVER.

“I don’t know”, pause, “I’m not telling you”.

I know it’s not funny to you – because it is out of context. But by God I was nearly crying (I’m giggling as I type) and for those that know the context … good times!